In 2008, after completing many years of school headship, I became a certified leadership coach. It allows me to stay in the education arena and take advantage of my experience and knowledge in a new and helpful way. Also, many former heads, including myself, who have become certified coaches uniformly wish they’d had coaching training while in their leadership roles.
The leadership coaching industry has rapidly expanded over the past two decades—and the number of school heads who have worked with coaches has steadily increased as school governance has become more complex and a wide range of challenges has emerged. The scope of leadership expectations is daunting, given the pervasive anxiety brought on by the pandemic and exacerbated by artificial intelligence, social media, climate realities, global warfare, and political polarization. Not to mention the myriad health and well-being issues related to students’ identities and sense of belonging.
Even the most seasoned leaders might feel overwhelmed or ill-prepared in this new reality. It’s not only natural to seek help and support, but in some cases, it’s necessary to develop new skills and tools to navigate the new normal. And that’s where leadership coaching for school heads comes in.
Building on Leadership Skills
Through coaching, leaders can become trained conversation cartographers, which is one of the most important skills that leaders need today. They learn how to listen effectively; when to be the general, ambassador, or pastor (sometimes all three in the same conversation); how to handle the labyrinth of conversation dynamics and personalities; and how to ask the right series of questions for clearer answers.
Coached leaders grow to embody the mastermind perspective—the idea that when two or more minds work together, what emerges is greater than any one of them—recognizing the value of each person and what they bring to the table. They gain a solid grasp of the kind of emotional intelligence that is fundamental to developing trusting and productive relationships. And, perhaps most important, coached leaders learn how to use their emotional bank account wisely—and how to replenish it.
In my coaching practice, four key elements help school heads become more effective in their day-to-day work and in their overall leadership.
Taking Care
How leaders show up plays an important part in how a conversation lands. They must consciously navigate the delta between intent versus impact, which if not handled properly can have varying results. Leaders must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit, so they are bringing their best selves to every conversation. I encourage my clients to use the self-care assessment from therapistaid, a group that provides mental health resources and tools, to help them get a sense of where they are and to develop the habit of checking in with themselves.
Coaches must remind school leaders why it’s important to take care of themselves and to help them learn how to do it well. Being grounded and rested helps them maintain an open and curious mindset rather than one that is judgmental. Through this work, they are better able to problem-solve and leverage others’ expertise rather than feeling stressed and overwhelmed trying to deal with every fire that arises by themselves.
Compassionate Curiosity and Listening
In coaching, the talking through how to word or approach a conversation helps to validate, explore, clarify, lift up, and inspire. Open-ended questions are the drumbeat to leadership as they open doors and inspire curiosity, which propels us to embrace our own “zone of proximal learning” as well as that of others as we navigate conversations. Some examples include:
- How’d you make that happen?
- What’s missing?
- Who else needs to be in the room?
- What would be a first step?
- What’s holding you back?
- What’s another way to look at that?
- What else?
- Tell me more about that.
The complement to curiosity is listening. Coached leaders become attuned to listening and are aware of Peter Drucker’s assertion that “the most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” This includes “reading the room” and understanding the subliminal messaging of a conversation.
Tools, Techniques, and Protocols
Having the right tools, techniques, and protocols allows leaders to better size up situations and remain in a neutral, objective zone rather than getting sideswiped, taking what’s happening personally, or thinking they have to be “fixers.” I often recommend a few reliable tools to school leaders:
7-38-55: Albert Mehrabian, a researcher on nonverbal communication, posits that 7% of a conversation is about words; 38% is about tone, and 55% is everything else. Although words are vitally important, other variables, such as tone, greatly affect what is said in a conversation. For example, sarcasm, mean-spiritedness, or overconfidence kills ideas before they land. Meanwhile, an inviting tone fosters buy-in, capacity, and willingness.
Other factors to consider: how the air, light, and smells in the room can affect the conversation. Consider the time of day, location (inside or outside), movement (sitting or walking), furniture arrangement, body positioning, age, facial expression, pace and volume of speaking, accents, gender, and clothing. Leaders learn how these variables can affect a conversation, and how leaders can attune themselves accordingly.
Energy: Leaders have a responsibility to manage negative and positive energy so that their interactions can be as informative and productive as possible. But converting negativity—which can stymie the work of schools––to neutral or positive behavior is hard. Coaches work to help leaders learn how to strategize and respond to people who are in a stuck, often fearful, place.
Breakthrough conversations: Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time, wrote a 10-step formula to help leaders address difficult situations, beginning with a carefully crafted “name the issue.” They maintain a let-go-of-the-outcome mindset. With practice, they can craft a productive conversation about the trickiest situations and become more comfortable identifying what needs to be acknowledged and remedied.
Complicated issue conversations are rarely “one and done,” and through coaching, leaders learn when and how to choreograph multiple conversations until the situation comes to a resolution. As Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, advises staying curious a little longer can help leaders gain insight, common ground, and an agreement for going forward.
Debriefing
This is often the most missed opportunity. Debriefing after a conversation––in which leaders ask others what they are taking away from the conversation––centers the idea that conversations are a partnership rather than a one-way feedback street. People feel valued when their leader engages them in this way. In my coaching work, I help leaders learn to ask themselves post-conversation questions like:
- How did I show up?
- How did my listening allow for digging deeply?
- How did this conversation serve the mission of the school and my values?
- How might I follow up on this conversation?
Support for Leadership Coaching
As the job of school head gets harder, leadership coaches will only become more popular. There have already been strides taken to make this type of support more accessible. At the NAIS annual conference in February 2024, 17 certified leadership coaches provided more than 70 sessions in the Coaches Corner. In 2022, Alan Sparrow, retired head of school and certified leadership coach, started an initiative to make coaching available and affordable for new heads.
One comment from Sparrow’s initiative summarizes how these new heads felt about the coaching experience: “My coach helped me view circumstances through a strategic, inclusive, and open-minded lens. She helped me build confidence, help others, stay positive, and create a school and work environment where people felt supported and inspired.”
Leadership coaching creates awareness, competence, adaptability, and ultimately, self-confidence. It produces collaborative and actionable outcomes. It elevates relationships and brings welcome honesty to conversations throughout our school communities.