This article appeared as "Worth the Weight?" in the Summer 2024 issue of Independent School.
My child is planning to apply early deicsion; we just don't know where yet. How do you think we should strategize?
Did you see the group of colleges for last year's graduating class? Why aren't we seeing more top schools?
Are colleges really "test optional" for seniors applying from independent schools?
Given how hard it is to get into selective colleges, how early should we start meeting with a college counselor?
My child seems to be shutting down around this process and not doing anything; what can I do about it?
These are just some of the questions parents are coming to schools with today, as the shifting college admission landscape brings stress and anxiety to the forefront of the process. The stress and anxiety around college admission have always been there. It’s a process that inherently has many unknowns, along with various deadlines and requirements—so it’s complex and uncertain, and that’s no surprise. But it’s taken on a new dimension.
Many of the new changes in college admission add to the uncertainty. Students are now strategically crafting their applications: Should they submit their test scores to schools that have test-optional policies? Should they highlight their racial/ethnic and socioeconomic diversity in different ways since colleges no longer ask for this information? How will the redesigned and delayed FAFSA impact college decisions and timelines? These are just a few of the changes with which students and college counselors are trying to keep up.
This process is taking a toll on students, specifically their mental health. Authentic Connections (AC) is based on research that has tracked well-being indicators for more than 30 years, and our research shows that rates of anxiety and depression have been rising steadily in teens over time. Suniya Luthar, cofounder of AC, would often say, “When parents ask me where all of the pressure on these kids is coming from, I ask them: Where is it not? Relationships that once protected students and kept them grounded—with parents, coaches, teachers, peers—can be added sources of pressure nowadays.”
Meanwhile, college admit rates have dropped steadily year after year, in particular at the most selective colleges. Institutions that had admit rates of 20–30% in the 1980s now boast single-digit admit rates and actively recruit and encourage more students to apply on an annual basis. There’s no question that the heightened levels of stress and anxiety related to the college process are surpassing anything that we’ve seen in the past.
Some parents, focused on rankings and desperate for their children to attend a selective college, enroll them in extensive extracurricular activities, after-school enrichment programs, and highly demanding travel sports teams to help them stand out. But instead, this often ends up contributing to students’ increased mental health issues because they are overcommitted and under tremendous pressure to do well. The 2019 “Varsity Blues” scandal shined a spotlight on the extreme lengths to which wealthy parents will go to secure admission offers for their children. At the same time, the cost of college has been steadily rising, effectively squeezing out families who can’t afford tuition but might not qualify for much need-based financial aid.
Given the new reality, schools have an even greater imperative to help families understand the changes and work diligently to decrease the stress and anxiety that’s baked into the college application process. This starts with really listening to students.
What Students Are Saying
AC surveys students to gauge their mental health and help schools prioritize student health and well-being. Since the start of the pandemic, we’ve surveyed more than 180,000 students, and through the data, we’ve seen how decreasing admission rates at selective colleges and the increase in income disparity have affected them.
During the 2022–2023 year, roughly 27% of students reported that they felt unable to meet school standards—meaning that they felt they could not meet their teachers’ or the school’s expectations. This, along with equity and inclusion and low learning efficacy, was among the top three aspects of school climate most linked with mental health challenges/struggles. This means that students who felt that they could not meet their teachers’ expectations, who felt that they couldn’t learn new material easily, and/or who felt that some students were treated better or worse than others were struggling more with mental health symptoms. When we examined the data by grade, 11th graders (who are often experiencing peak college-related anxiety) reported the highest rates of difficulty with meeting school standards and the highest rates of anxiety and depression.
Since the start of the pandemic, we have also asked a number of free-response questions on our surveys to better understand what students are experiencing. On open-ended response questions in the 2020–2023 academic years, students cited their top concerns as “academic pressure” (mentioned by 34.3% of students in grades 6–12) and “college” (mentioned by 16.8% of students in grades 6–12). These concerns were often related, with many students saying that receiving any grade below an A caused them anxiety because they perceived this as hurting their college prospects. Students often report that this pressure to succeed is not only coming from their own desire to do well but often also from parents, teachers, coaches, and peers.
In the past year, the percentage of students reporting these concerns increased—with 42.1% of students citing academic pressure as a top concern and 20.2% of students citing college admission—indicating that student concern and anxiety about the application process are rising. Over time, these increases are visible when examined by grade as well. Since the start of the pandemic, 35.8% of 11th graders cited academic pressure as a top worry, and in the past year, that percentage increased to 43.8%; similarly, 32% of 11th graders mentioned college as a concern, and in the past year, that increased to 35.3%.
In our research, we’ve also explored how student-parent relationships contribute to the stress and anxiety that students experience. A student’s ability to handle academic pressure is often dependent on their relationship with primary caregivers. In the Authentic Connections white paper, “High Achieving Schools Survey: Parent-Child Relationships During COVID,” published in June 2021, we described how “high levels of parent criticism/perfectionism—i.e., students’ perceptions that their parents are difficult to please and easy to disappoint—was the top predictor of depression.” In terms of anxiety, “a recurring theme in students’ responses was the fear of disappointing or failing their parents.”
That’s why it’s so critical for schools to be intentional in educating parents about how their behaviors directly link to their child’s overall well-being and mental health.
What Schools Can Do
The college process often feels like the tail wagging the dog—something so powerful yet largely out of our control. But based on our research and findings on student health and well-being, schools can implement practices to wrest some control back amid the increasingly competitive college admission landscape.
Reframe the independent school admission narrative. We first need to acknowledge the challenges that independent schools face in recruiting top students to apply and matriculate to their institutions. Prospective families often ask to see the school’s college list during the independent school admission process in an effort to ensure that their financial investment will feel “worth it.”
Yet colleges admit students based on their academic performance and how they have taken advantage of the opportunities available to them in and out of school. Despite the external pressure from prospective families to deliver a return on investment, independent schools should focus on their mission and the work they do to make a difference in the lives of students during their high school years. Parents often think the college list is evidence that their money will be well spent, but instead they should be asking about the unique opportunities their child will have to grow as a student and community member.
Graduates who have truly thrived in high school should be the ultimate goal for schools and parents alike—not the bumper sticker on the car or the name on the college list. And by focusing on their unique mission, prioritizing mental health, and actively working to combat toxic achievement culture, schools can distinguish themselves in the marketplace.
Examine and consider modifying college-related traditions. Internally audit how the college process is celebrated within the school community. How do you celebrate National Merit finalists, recruited athletes, or the cum laude society? How does this generate feelings of community versus feelings of competition among students and parents? Where possible, we recommend minimizing comparisons among students and focusing instead on inclusion and belonging. Be mindful of unintentional messaging about whether a college is “good” or “bad.” Educators often promote where a student is attending in a graduation speech or at an awards ceremony; if that is common practice at your school, make sure that all colleges and postsecondary plans are celebrated equally. High school students want to make their parents and teachers proud, as well as maintain status with their friends, and these comments can make a lasting impression. Also, consider discontinuing traditions that inadvertently promote exclusivity, envy, and hurt—such as college T-shirt day or publishing lists of colleges with student names attached.
Educate constituents. It’s critical to educate parents and trustees about the current landscape of college admission and what the pressure around it is doing to students. With ever-dwindling admit rates, parents need to understand that a student can do everything “right” and still not get into their top-choice schools. This can make students feel like they are in an impossible situation—they desperately want to make their parents proud or feel like their hard work was worth it, but they can’t control a college’s institutional priorities or how their application is read among a pool of other extremely competitive applications. Shift the mindset about what makes for a “good” college process, and focus on the culture you are creating. Evaluate what level and type of support helps shepherd students through the application process without the current high levels of stress. Consider emphasizing the success stories of students who didn’t attend “top schools” or who had an unconventional path after high school.
Reiterate the importance of mental health and well-being. While standardized test scores might predict higher GPAs, mental health is a better predictor of student retention. Over the past few years in a webinar with the Association of College Counselors in Independent Schools, Cory Wallack, associate vice president of student health and wellness at Syracuse University, has presented the work he is doing to understand the relationship between well-being and retention in higher education. This linkage has been supported in articles published by Nathaniel Thomas, David Saunders-Scott, and Sarah Ketchen Lipson, and Daniel Eisenberg.
Given that mental health is linked with students successfully completing college, high schools should prioritize student well-being and focus on improving resilience in their student population.
Focus on fit and balance. Similar to how families researched independent schools to figure out where their child would thrive, so too should they seek colleges that will best support their child in this next phase of life. There are many factors of the college experience that families should consider, including location, size, academic majors, research opportunities, and, of course, cost. By helping families understand these different factors, schools can help students prioritize what is most important in their college search process.
Schools can help students and families think more deeply about student interests and how they might translate to college. If students are engaged in athletics or the arts, how accessible are those opportunities at the college level? How important is the social scene, including Greek life? Do they want to travel abroad? Identifying these priorities, rather than focusing on selective admission rates that are manipulated to feed the frenzy of college rankings, can help students build a list of colleges where they will truly thrive.
It’s also important that families encourage their child to research and visit colleges with a range of selectivity. Students should limit applications to a reasonable number (college counselors typically recommend eight to 12). High-achieving students often want to have a much longer list of “reach” schools and only a few in the “possible” and “likely” categories, but this is not a well-balanced list—and this pattern frequently results in extreme stress during the application process and disappointing results when decisions are released. By educating families early about both the landscape of college admission and the lasting effects this is having on student mental health, schools can manage expectations and achieve a greater sense of partnership with families.
Support discretion. Every school seems to have one or two students who want to know where everyone is applying. These students have been known to pressure their classmates into circulating lists of who is applying where or posting extensively about the college process on social media. Schools should remind seniors that their college process can be as private as they want, and role-play with them about how they want to handle uncomfortable situations and questions, whether at school or a family gathering. Encourage students to be discreet about where they’re applying and their results—and be mindful that social media contribute greatly to envy and anxiety in teens.
Celebrate every acceptance. Encourage students to celebrate every acceptance, and remind them that that college has communicated something important—that they want the student to be a member of their community.
Regardless of who is to blame in this epidemic of toxic achievement culture, American society at large needs to promote student well-being and move away from a college application process that chases an impossible dream. In the end, high schools and families need to partner in this work, making sure that students know that they matter and that they can live a fulfilling life regardless of where they attend college.
Go Deeper
Read more about Authentic Connections’ work to improve student health and well-being in these NAIS articles:
- “Resilient Schools: Survey Reveals Insights from Students and Faculty Amid COVID-19,” Independent School magazine, Fall 2020
- “The Frenzied College Admission Race Is Making Our Children Sick,” Independent Ideas blog, March 2019
- “Research Insights: Using Data to Measure Student Well-Being,” Independent School magazine, Summer 2021