This article appeared as "Culture Check" in the Summer 2024 issue of Independent School.
Early in my headship career, a couple of old-guard senior faculty members wanted nothing to do with my attempts to improve areas of the academic program. Because of the strength and successful history of the school, they were unwilling or unable to see programmatic flaws that were getting in the way of innovative growth. Instead of examining and discussing the program with me, these teachers began representing themselves as the spokespeople for the school and describing me to the community as a naïve and incompetent head. “He doesn’t understand our culture; he’s not one of us; he’s too incapable, too inexperienced; he’s the problem,” they’d say. At the time, these strong voices fed into the natural fears of a new head—the loss of support, self-confidence, and perhaps a job. These fears, along with a little imposter syndrome, kept me from acting on my own convictions, and I did little to change the narrative.
During my next headship at a different school, I encountered a parent-centered culture in which a small but extremely loud group of parents were dominating the conversation and getting in the way of progress. The loudest parents were intimidating faculty and staff, scrutinizing every test score given and every final grade awarded, demanding information about student discipline issues, and putting intense pressure on the placement process for graduating students. Ironically, the fear faculty and staff felt toward the parents reminded me of my own toward those old-guard faculty at my previous school. I realized then that this toxicity, if left unchecked, would cause teachers and staff to leave, and the loud parents would drive away most of the kind and wonderful parents. I needed to step up to the true job of being a head of school.
I am not alone. When I talk to other long-term heads, they often say their biggest regret is not addressing toxic faculty, staff, administrators, parents, and other community members sooner. We’ve seen how behaviors like actively resisting a leader and creating false, misleading narratives can stymie progress and infiltrate a school culture. And unfortunately, it’s a problem in too many of our schools. Leadership and workplace experts often advise addressing that toxicity head on. So why does it take most heads decades to learn how to face these challenges?
Using my 33 years of school leadership experience, 20 years of which were spent as a head of school, I’ve tried to find the best path to making these tough decisions. In the process, I’ve learned not to take things too personally, to give honest feedback, and to focus on getting to the root of an issue by not allowing the louder, divisive voices to prevail. After all, school harmony and progress, along with the health and well-being of the community, are at stake. As an interim head, I’ve been reflecting on how to assess culture and give new heads encouragement in these polarizing times. It’s advice I wish I’d heard much earlier in my career.
Something in the Air
Psychologists and independent school consultants Rob Evans and Michael Thompson (my heroes and authors of a new edition of Hopes and Fears: Strengthening the Relationship With Today’s Independent School Parents) have been advising schools about toxic cultures for decades. They regularly meet with heads, administrators, teachers, and trustees to troubleshoot issues they are facing. From this inside look at and connection with schools, they are able to offer great insight and help leaders see what they sometimes can’t, even when it’s right in front of them. In their writing and speaking engagements, they frequently emphasize that the best leaders take decisive and quick action to remove toxic adults from school communities.
But sometimes that seems easier said than done. Today’s heads of school are balancing societal and political crises all while managing the day-to-day operations of an institution. More and more of the conversations happening outside of the school are playing out daily within the school walls. These are conversations at an administrator level and those happening in classrooms—and sometimes they cross levels and divisions. More concerning today are the undercurrents, or hidden opinions and feelings, contrary to the ones shown.
Toxic cultures develop when people in the school community—staff, faculty, parents—start complaining, gossiping, blaming others, and getting in the way of the school’s mission. Often, I’ve seen that negative culture, when not addressed, begin to spread and interrupt leaders—all school leaders, not just heads—from doing their work, often forcing them to move on.
Leaders have many real fears when managing individuals with toxic characteristics. And it’s not surprising, given that we’ve seen time and again, in schools and out, how people will turn against a leader or “cancel” a person simply because they disagree with a statement or action. Heads want to make the best decisions for their school community, and they do so thoughtfully, but in calculating the possible outcomes, newer heads might temper their desired action in order to maintain support, control, respect, or even their job.
Leading With Confidence
Heads of school are hired to make hard decisions, which will inevitably get mixed reviews from different constituencies. Very rarely will leadership get 100% backing all the time. So, as heads move through the early years of headship, it’s important to collaborate and work closely with people who sometimes are impeding their work. Here’s my advice for moving confidently through these uncertain waters.
Find courage from within. The head-search process is rigorous and thorough and includes many different constituents. Remember that you were chosen as the best match at the time, and you demonstrated qualities that aligned with the committee’s vision for the next head. Your values matched the school’s, and your leadership skills were what the school community needed. Stop second-guessing your position to take appropriate action.
Trust your gut. At the school where parents were getting in the way of progress, I knew I needed to step up. Despite the fear of parents rallying against me, I asked one family to leave the school. The response from the faculty and staff was overwhelming—and positive. Those who had stayed quiet due to their own fears now spoke out with the consistent theme of “we wish someone would have done this years ago.” The positive sea change in morale happened in an instant.
Realize when it’s time to let someone go. The psychology of these difficult decisions is understandably complicated. Most heads are former teachers, and most teachers never want to give up on their students, so a decision to let someone go—whether faculty or a family—can be very emotional and difficult. And this is multiplied by the worries about potential negative fallout.
One of my early mentors told me, “The most important decision a head of school makes is not simply who they hire, but who they let go.” As with student discipline, sometimes the most critical thing to do is to demonstrate to the greater community that some behaviors are not acceptable and cannot continue. This is a powerful antidote to toxicity in the workplace. Community members watch and learn what behaviors cross the line, and one need only look to social media memes to see how toxic employees deplete the morale and success of the business.
Garner support before big decisions. The best heads know that ownership or credit for a decision is a low priority compared to making the right decision. Bringing key stakeholders—whether administrators, trustees, or even parents—into the process is one of the most affirming choices you can make in building and strengthening your team. Getting the perspectives of your closest allies shows strong leadership, helps your own growth and development, and leads to better decision-making overall. It also helps keep your own emotions and biases in check.
Start and end with empathy in all you do. A former board chair once told me, “Lead with your heart, but consult with your head.” To me, this means that one should never lose compassion or care for people, and that hard decisions are hard. I once had to remove a beloved coach from his team, knowing the fallout would be brutal. And it was indeed. However, not only did the team respond positively, but the coach himself told me much later that it was the right decision and that it helped his growth and development.
Trust yourself and know that overcoming hesitancy, speaking up, and taking action will bring positive and long-term changes to your school, and to your own leadership journey.
Read More
How do you learn about a school’s culture? How do you create and shape it? The Spring 2022 issue of Independent School magazine explored these questions and more to help schools move out of the know-it-when-we-see-it notion to the tangible. Check out these and other articles:
• “How Schools Talk About and Notice School Culture,” by Greg Bamford and Carla Silver
• “The Problem With Nice: Moving From Congenial to Collegial Cultures,” by Brent Kaneft
• “What It Takes to Create a Positive Work Culture From All Sides,” by Amoy Walker